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Sunday, April 14, 2013

Stuy Town Squirrels - Our Friends and Neighbors for Decades


First, the middle-class is being displaced from Stuy Town/PCV, and now the squirrel, if certain Stuy Moms could get their way.

Breaking News: Under advisement and a certain amount of pressure from a cadre of Stuy Moms, management will water lawns, plants and trees with dog urine, as dog urine is, insists the group, a great fertilizer. ST/PCV dog owners are requested to bring their pooches to the newly constructed Stuy Dog Urine Station at Oval Cafe, where dogs will be assisted by cafe staff to pee against a special artificial fire hydrant that collects urine in a detachable reservoir attached to the device. The Stuy Dog Urine Station is for residents and their guests only.

Meanwhile, aware of the push to either starve ("no nuts for you!") or get rid of the squirrel population in ST/PCV, a group of the most aggressive squirrels, pictured below, are banding to form a "protection committee."



This could get ugly.

20 comments:

Hippo said...

No Nuts for the Squirrels...hahaha...now that's a campaign we can all latch on to...NOT...so funny!
How about Urine for the Universe, Doggy Doo Downtown, Rats for the Rent-Stabibized? Great marketing slogans...better yet here is a poem...
"Balls", said the Queen, "if I had 'em I'd be King",
"Nuts", said the Prince, "I got 'em and I ain't".
Keep chucklin' folks. Elevators not working, sh*t in the stairwells, pot smoke wafting through the hallways, garbage, noise, dysfunctional laundry machines, condoms in the Oval...all a not so subtle effort to drive out the old-timers by degradation of services...but spring is here and as a long-term resident, I AIN'T Leavin'...Hahaha...peaace to all and enjoy the day!

Anonymous said...

you need help! haha

Anonymous said...

I LOVE you, STR! Give me the squirrels any day instead of those silly Moms and their so allergic kids! Wrap the kids in plastic or put them in a bubble, but let the rest of the world keep on turning. Please!

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU STR! They are absurd! The squirrels are one of the nicer things about Stuy Town.

Lois said...

Yay commenters 1-3!
Yay STR!!!

Anonymous said...

"Feeding the squirrels is making them so aggressive."

Aggressive! ROFL!

Anonymous said...

Re: Peanut Allergies (from Wikipedia)
Peanut allergy is a type of food allergy distinct from nut allergies. It is a type 1 hypersensitivity reaction to dietary substances from peanuts that causes an overreaction of the immune system which in a small percentage of people may lead to severe physical symptoms. It is estimated to affect 0.4-0.6% of the population.

While the most obvious and dangerous route for an allergic individual is unintentional ingestion, some reactions are possible through external exposure. Airborne particles in a farm- or factory-scale shelling or crushing environment, or from cooking, can produce respiratory effects in exposed allergic individuals. The belief that touch, smell, or simple proximity to peanut products can trigger anaphylaxis has resulted in controversial bans on all peanut products from some entire medical and school facilities. Empirical testing has discredited some reports of this type and shown others to be exaggerated. Others remain in controversy. Residue on surfaces has been known to cause minor skin rashes, though not anaphylaxis. In The Peanut Allergy Answer Book, Harvard pediatrician Michael Young characterizes this secondary contact risk to allergic individuals as rare and limited to minor symptoms. Some reactions have been noted to be psychogenic in nature, the result of conditioning and belief rather than a true chemical reaction. Blinded, placebo-controlled studies by Sicherer et al. were unable to produce any reactions using the odor of peanut butter or its mere proximity.

Anonymous said...

My daughter once worked at a summer day camp where one of the typical UES "supermoms" claimed her child had an airborne dairy allergy so noone was allowed to bring milk products into the classroom in which her kid attended the camp. You can't make this stuff up!

Anonymous said...

I think these young moms are good people with good hearts, but they tend to want to control things and come too strong. I like to feed the squirrels and was feeding them walnuts one day by my building when I noticed a couple of children watching and they looked fascinated by how the squirrels were running after the nuts and sitting up and cracking them open. I offered the bag of nuts to the children because I thought they might like to feed the critters. Their father jumped in and said "No! My children are allergic to nuts." I innocently said that I wasn't offering the kids the nuts to eat, but to feed the squirrels. The dad explained to me that just touching the nuts could set off the allergy. He didn't decry me for feeding the squirrels; he just explained to me why his kids couldn't do it. I learned something that day without being made to feel like a criminal. Now, if I'm feeding the squirrels and see some children watching and looking like they might like to join in, I am careful to ask the parent first if it's ok. I can understand that having a child or children with a nut allergy must be very stressful, but that doesn't mean you have the right to dictate to the world around you. Just be like the dad I encountered and who I learned from. He protected his kids without hurting my feelings. No harm done to anyone that day.

Anonymous said...

Oh PLEASE! How many times I have been run over by Razor scooters. Where were the concerned moms then telling their children not to harm others??? I hope it RAINS peanuts! Brats and the beasts who raise them!

Anonymous said...

The TA Facebook page is still a breeding ground of insanity. Some things never change.

Stuy Town Reporter said...

Ah, come on, guys, you know I can't let pass some of the more "colorful" comments.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised the squirrels don't pack their bags and leave in disgust because I have never seen the grounds of Stuyvesant Town look so naked, barren and shambolic. They have cut down so many trees, ruined so much grass that Stuyvesant Town can no longer truthfully be referred to as a "Leafy Oasis" in the City. It is an ugly shithole. At least Tishman Speyer planted trees instead of murdering them! The whole place looks like it was razed.

Anonymous said...


squirrels! please there are some many real problems to be concerned about. These peaceful little creatures should be a pleasant part of the ST experience. They don't make noise or charge outrageous prices for bad services.

Lois said...

Spot on, 722PM!
WTG STR!

Anonymous said...

Yes you can STR! Think how helpful it would be for the moms if you told them to carry Epipens for Baby Lucifer!

Anonymous said...

I'm allergic to white wine. Can we please ask the moms to stop drinking alcohol in the parks? Public drinking sets a bad example for the children.

Anonymous said...

I walked past the playground last night behind 420 east 20th. It was littered with lunchable boxes and drink boxes. They were all over the place.

I would say before the moms get crazy about the squirrels, they should teach their children to clean up after themselves.

Tommyboyardee said...

Only for the Market Rate Squirrels, the old timer squirrels are moving to Queens & Brooklyn

Anonymous said...

I stand with the Squirrels.

They are original tenants and bring a lot to the neighborhood.